


Statement of Leah Brand (01-17-2016)

by BrynFang



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Existential Horror, F/F, Horror, Isolation, Original Statement (The Magnus Archives), Short, Statement Fic (The Magnus Archives), The Usher Foundation (The Magnus Archives)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:01:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24484741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrynFang/pseuds/BrynFang
Summary: A fan statement about my self-insert TMAsona.
Kudos: 8





	Statement of Leah Brand (01-17-2016)

PRE-STATEMENT FORM  
Disclaimer: The following questions are optional, aside from date and subject of statement, but will help the Foundation in corroborating, investigating, and archiving your statement. Please answer them if you are willing and able to do so.

Name: Leah Brand  
Pronouns: She/her  
Date: January 17, 2016  
Occupation: Singer-songwriter  
City of residence: Chicago, Illinois  
Date(s) of relevant events: 2010-2014  
Subject of statement: Time spent dating Bryn Caldwell

STATEMENT  
Do you go on a lot of night drives? I do, personally. I like seeing countless points of light in the windows of apartments on a stark black backdrop, the strange kind of disconnection you get driving on a highway after dark, the feeling of getting out of the car after hours of driving and listening to music and taking a break at some rest stop you'll probably never see again.

I guess I should've written that paragraph in past tense, though.

The thing is, it's basically inevitable that if you drive as much as I do, you're going to meet some characters sooner or later. Most are normal, some are strange, but once in a blue moon, you come across someone you connect with. 

I don't really interact with people that much. I'm too shy to approach anyone, and I think people see me as kind of aloof, or maybe just pretentious.

Point is, when I was stopping at a café at probably three in the morning six years ago and saw a short-haired woman in a winter coat and a scarf glance at me from the corner when she thought I wasn't looking, well, it was a little bit strange that it didn't take her long to walk over and introduce herself to me. She said her name was Bryn Caldwell and asked me my name. For whatever reason, I told her.

She was a good conversationalist, and after a discussion that ranged from writing to history to mythology to art, I ended up giving her my number. She smiled at me as I said goodbye and walked out the door. When I stepped outside, the night wind chilled me to the bone.

I was in my apartment when she called me a few days later. Somehow, I knew it was her even before I answered, though I'd forgotten to ask her for her number. She asked if I wanted to go on a date with her at a local bar. I agreed.

For a bit of background, I live in Chicago. If the fact that the café where I met her and the bar where she asked me out were both in the area was anything to go by, she did too.

The thing about big cities is that there are so many people, but there's so little time to meet any of them, to get to know anybody beyond faces in the crowd and bumps on the shoulder as you pass them by. I think that's part of why the idea of dating someone felt so exciting to me. I don't think it's exaggerating to say that half the people in the US are starved for human connection, romantic or not.

Anyways, enough philosophizing. The point is, I met Bryn in person again shortly after. There was a chill in the air as I walked in. I knew it was the draft from the door opening, but it was just so cold.

Bryn was sitting in the corner and watching me as I walked in, just like the first time I'd met her. She smiled and nodded at the empty seat across from her. I took it.

It wasn't a fancy place. That's not to say I didn't like it; it was cozy, you know, the kind of place you could imagine people sitting around and discussing their ideas. And we did, at first, but something sort of strange happened. We started talking about a story Bryn was writing, and she just... froze up. She said she felt like she wasn't sure how to write something. I forget what it was exactly, but it was a really mundane detail, like how driving works. She could tell I was confused, I think, because she got this embarrassed look on her face and said she got stuck on some things. She said she often felt like she didn't really know what real life was supposed to be like because her parents had sheltered her when she was young. She sighed, and the air grew colder.

The date continued after that, of course, but it felt kind of awkward. I was still interested, though, and we made plans to meet up again.

I don't really have the time or the memory to discuss every date I went on with her. The long and short of it is that we ended up in a long-term relationship, bonding over everything from John Carpenter to Simon and Garfunkel. In February 2015, we decided to move in together, and by the end of March, I'd finished unpacking everything I'd brought to her apartment.

It was that last day of moving that I wish had never come.

After we had finished, we fell asleep together watching TV, but when I woke up, she wasn't there. There was only a note saying "sorry" in her handwriting.

I looked around the apartment, but I didn't find her. My calls went to voicemail and my texts went unread. That was when I realized I had never met her family. I didn't know anyone else I could contact who might possibly know where she was.

I didn't know what to do. I decided to walk outside to clear my head. It was dark out, though it was ten in the morning, and there was nobody else in sight. 

Eventually, I walked back to my apartment to call the police. But my keys didn't work.

I knew it was the same apartment I had shared with Bryn, but I couldn't get in. I panicked, wondering if I had somehow misremembered the apartment number. Before I could get too carried away, I took a deep breath and decided to just continue my walk. Maybe I had somehow gotten confused.

I decided to call a friend of mine, Liz Gordon, and ask if I could come over because I had some business to attend to. It went to voicemail. I sent her a text, but after five minutes, I gave up on a response.

I was scared, but I wasn't surprised. After all, I hadn't seen anyone else that day, no matter where I went.

So I kept walking. I don't know why I did, but eventually, I reached the interstate. I saw no cars, no bicycles, no pedestrians as I walked along the side of the road. I was alone.

I called 9-1-1. Nothing.

There was no end to the interstate in sight no matter how far I walked in either direction. I walked for hours under that deep, dark sky. It was dotted with stars, but none of them lit the way, and besides, I couldn't help but think of them as eyes staring down on me.

It was so cold.

I don't even know when I found the car. It was my car, just sitting there in the middle of the highway. I mean, it wasn't just a car with the same make and color as mine, it had my license plate, my bumper stickers, everything. Not really knowing what else to do, I unlocked the car and got in. 

It was when I found a second note saying "sorry" in Bryn's handwriting that I remembered why I was doing this in the first place. I mean, of course I remembered from the start, but at some point it hit me how much I missed her, how much it would hurt if she left an empty space in my life.

At first, I had just blocked it out, too busy trying to figure out what was even going on to me to worry about Bryn herself. The note was when I realized I couldn't figure anything out, that I was just an ant beneath a boot so huge as to block out the sky, and I started to get angry. If I couldn't save myself, I should've at least been able to save her.

It hurt, though, because I knew I couldn't.

I put the note in my pocket and I sat in the driver's seat. I called 9-1-1 five times without any response, and then I just started driving.

I didn't know why. I really didn't. It just felt right somehow. That was all there was to do anymore, was drive.

I think I drove for hours on that highway. The road never changed, the sky never brightened, and the clock never went past ten in the morning. It was like Purgatory.

Eventually, I got tired- God only knows how long it took- and stopped the car in the middle of the road. There was nobody else there anyways. I just sat back in my seat and went to sleep.

I dreamed about an endless night sky. I dreamed about the things that moved behind the veil of darkness, huge and ancient and impossible to see. I dreamed about a world where I was alone forever.

The dreams went on so long.

I woke up and saw that, according to both my phone and my car screen, it was still ten in the morning. And it was still dark out, stars like eyes still gazing down at me. 

The moon had come out now. It was larger than usual, and it seemed to me like yet another watchful eye.

I kept driving. I didn't know what else to do. I kept driving and I kept thinking of Bryn and I kept wishing it were all over.

Then I remembered something Bryn had told me. Three simple words. I love you.

And it was done. The clock switched to 10:01 AM, and the stars closed one by one as the sky grew lighter.

I found Bryn at the same café where we met. She wasn't looking at me as I came in, but staring out the window. She turned to face me.

"I'm sorry," she said, shaking her head. "I should have helped you."

She didn't explain what she meant by that, and I didn't ask. I guess it doesn't really matter anyways. She broke up with me shortly afterwards. 

ADDENDUM  
This is Cassandra Conrad, Head Archivist of the Chicago, Illinois branch of the Usher Foundation, writing April 2, 2019.

The details appear to check out in terms of the mundane aspects of this statement, but the narrow scope of Leah Brand's perspective is an unfortunate limiting factor in terms of how many sources are available to corroborate. 

Elizabeth "Liz" Gordon has stated that she did, in fact, receive the message Brand said she sent, though that in itself proves little. Gordon also stated that she is not interested in receiving any more inquiries regarding Brand's relationship with Caldwell, saying it "went sour" and that she is "siding with Leah on this one," though she refused to elaborate.

Bryn Caldwell has confirmed that she dated Leah Brand from 2010 to 2014. When asked whether she ended the relationship as per Brand's statement, Caldwell stated that "[she] had to," saying that "[she] didn't want to let the cold take her for good."

In conclusion, if Brand's statement is false, it was almost certainly written in collaboration with Caldwell. If it is true, then I believe I understand why Caldwell would choose to end her relationship with Brand.


End file.
